What dilemma?
Further insights into the bizarre brain of Basil-logic.
So, during summer - in accordance with my previously stated rule of absolute de minimis - I wear as little as possible. Certainly when it comes to outerwear I am loathe to wear a coat unless it is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately sometimes the absolute necessity only makes itself apparent when I am already committed coatless. I just end up wetter than actual water.
During summer - obviously with Britain being how it is - the days can change quite quickly. I have a tendancy to carry in my enormous work rucksack three items of protection (in addition to an emergency condom, in case a train-fitty should find me irresistible and jump on me, ripping off my clothes or dragging me to the rather cramped travelling toilets). I have a coat. A decent, smart yet light-weight number which occupies little space yet maximises the space/protection ratio. I also carry a cap, and an umbrella. The dilemma comes as to when to use either of these. I don't like using an umbrella unless it is necessary - it takes a hand out of action in case I need to carry an additional bag or my Toy Story lunchbag, which is actually quite frequent as I regularly seem to purchase more than my enormous rucksack has capacity for from the supermarket. It is also awkward to walk with an umbrella, it adds weight to that hand and makes me feel lop-sided. I then have to compensate, otherwise I end up walking in circles. Any gust of wind makes it even more of an incovenience to carry or worse flips it around meaning it provides no protection at all and is worse than useless - it is a hinderance. And no-one looks cool carrying an umbrella
On Tuesday it rained. No. That isn't right. That is an understatement. On Tuesday a vast amount of solid water fell upon the earth. Actually, that isn't right. Whilst it fell on the town where I work; where I live it didn't rain at all and my washing was dry and plants very thirsty. But whilst Noah was putting the finishing touches to his boat, in Hinckley I was auctioning off my clothes to which ever third-world country would pay the most for the many tonnes of water in them. That was an umbrella day.
Where the weather is just a brief, light shower it is cap weather. Again, I'm not a fan of the cap. It stops my head breathing (the top, obviously. If it stopped the mouth breathing I'd be wearing it wrong. And not for very long either), makes my hair itch, and - worst thing in the world - messes my hair up. I don't have much hair anyway, so what there is is quite precious to me. I am also a rather stylish, debonnair character (well, I don't like getting confused with hobos at least) and enjoy arriving appropriately. Also hairwax is trading high on the commodities market at the minute and I don't want to be spending any more than necessary by coating the inside of the cap with a slick thick enough to kill a seabird. But the cap does protect the exposed parts of me from the light sprinkling of fluids (ok, that just looks wrong) and has a peak keeping those fluids out of my eye (if only there was such protection during sex!). Assuming that my jacket is sufficiently protecting of the shower, then the cap also meets the requirement and the umbrella is superfluous - the trade off for having my hands free being a slight decrease in style.
But there is that middle bit. Just as at the beginning of the rain, you have to make a decision as to whether the rain quantifiably justifies simple evasionary tactics (a quick dash) or full-on protection; so there is also the grey-point at which it may be necessary to switch from cap to umbrella - or even accumulate umbrella with pre-existing cap and lose convenience, dexterity, facility and style. Ah well.
Following on from my saturation on Tuesday I had to take a trip to the toilets to dry off under a hand-dryer. Who makes the decision as to how many hand-dryers there are in a toilet? There always seem to me to be the wrong ratio of dryers to sinks (or taps for the trough sink). I know not everyone uses the hand-dryers, some preferring a moist bottom or lap as they rub or wipe themselves off. But I know full well that those who do use the dryers spend considerably longer drying their hands than washing them. There should therefore be a greater number hand-dryers than sinks, not fewer. The number of times the taps are free whilst I am stood around waiting for a hand-dryer to become available doesn't even bare thinking about.
And don't even get me started on the chap at work who doesn't wash his hands but still uses the dryer after he has peed!
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