Bags and keys

I have a stupid nasty horrible and very anti-social 'work social'. You can tell I am looking forward to it. But this has necessitated a change of daily bag.

If I could get away without having to use any bag, I would. I am a man of ADM: absolute de minimis. And yes, it annoys me that I use the acronym. But if I could get away with taking nothing, I would. I can't. Or at least not without bulking out my pockets which would be even more annoying. Bulky pockets making walking awkward and sitting even more so, particularly with skinny trousers, muscled legs and an enormous penis. But it isn't just the necessities of wallet and keys. Obviously these days there is also the mobile to carry. And the work security pass. And then lunch. Lunch is probably the primary reason for a bag: the remainder can probably be just about comfortably carried around on a daily basis, and deposited in a draw at work, but unless I am to carry lunch in an annoying carrier bag, a proper bag is needed.

Unfortunately, as well as being a man of ADM, I am also a man of any eventualities. So the bag also carries a coat and umbrella, just in case. Also the bag contains the notebook: my life. It contains all my music which wirelessly connects to my headphones, giving me my constant fix of noise. The notebook also provides my with my tele watching on the train.

And then there are the other bits: a notebook and pen, just in case I am grabbed by an urgent thought or need to make a list. And my digital camera, in case I stumble on a fantastic opportunity for which the mobile camera is not sufficient. And then the cable to connect the camera to the notebook. And an mp3 player, in case there should be a need for it rather than the notebook. And spare batteries, because you don't want to get caught short.

And obviously if I am using the big, usual, daily bag it will also carry substantial quantities of groceries (or beer) back home. So the big bag is my usual daily bag. But, in all fairness, I don't really like the big bag. If I do not have to transport shopping back, or if I am not running into work (and therefore needing the big bag to carry my change of clothes) then I forego any fripperous or extraneous cables, batteries or any such, and downsize to a more comfortable, smaller, more fashionable bag, just the essentials to prevent any trouser bulges, to allow me to eat at lunch, and to keep myself entertained and out of mischief on the train. That is today.

This does require a good bit of organisation. The day before I need to be aware of what is happening the next day: whether the big bag is required or whether I am able (or indeed required) to sacrifice it for compacity. This is no problem, I am an organised person any way.

But it doesn't stop there. As part of my ADM principles, my keyring holds just my front door key, unless I need to take my other keys. My other keys include the backdoor keys, the shed keys, the work locker keys and such like. The reasoning behind this other setvis that when I cycle to work I need to leave by the back door, use the shed, lock the bicycle at work, shower and use my locker. And I don't need my front door key. The front door key being abandonned on its own also means that it alone can be carried on a night out, reducing trouser-chattelling and bulging.

Of course, these are not the only set of keys. In my organised way I have a spare set inside, should I lose one set or need to leave a set with a workman or neighbour. Then I have a spare set outside incase I lock myself out. And of course there is a spare set with my parents, just in case.

Let's just hope this work event tonight isn't as bad as I expect, despite the couple of cans of lager stashed at the bottom of the bag.