Hair today...

 What has been described as 'zany', 'bizarre', 'unique' and 'like a duck's arse'?

My new haircut.

Awesome.

I haven't had a professional haircut in well over a decade. Usually, however, I don't get called such things. Well, not to my face. I have for the last 10 years or so owned a pair of clippers and, when my hair has gotten to the stage where it is 'too long' I buzz it all off.

'Too long' has been redefined over time, so much so that a couple of years ago I had to buy a pair of mini-straighteners. My hair has a tendency to go curly, particularly around the sides, which is irritating. Thus it either gets cut off, or straightened until I get bored with that too. My hair is also quite soft and thin so when it gets to a particular length the thinness is exaggerated and I do look like I'm trying to hang on to the last remnants of hairiness when I really should have let it go. Cut it short and it looks much thicker and a fuller head of hair.

The buzz-off usually results in the top going down to either a '8', a '6' or a '4'. Generally I prefer the '8' which is around an inch long, with a shorter back and sides, however this usually means that I have to tidy the sides up quite neatly. With a '6' (around 3/4 inch) I can be less careful as the difference - if I make a boob on the sides - is considerably less noticeable. I haven't had a '4' (at around 1/2 inch) for a while as that makes me look practically thuggish. So generally I will do an '8' unless I boob or decide that it is still too long and cut back to a '6'.

This time, however, I was rather enjoying the length. The only thing that niggled was the curly bits on the side. I don't know if it is because I was using a different shampoo or wax which helped to 'bulk' the hair up, alleviating any appearance of thinness but the top was fine. So I thought that I would have an experiment, and just tidy up the sides.

The clippers come with 'left' and 'right' guides, meaning you should just be able to swipe these along the side of your head and round the back and it has tapered it nicely for you.

'Should'.

The thicker end of the guide-wedge, though, is still shorter than the remaindement of the hair, creating a noticeable ridge in the hair. I managed to calm this down very carefully with the trimmers and the overall effect actually isn't too bad. Or at least I didn't think so.

Now, if you are doing this on your own it is actually quite difficult to see the back of your head. I have a mirror on the wall in front of me that I can use to do the sides; then also using a handheld mirror in the opposite hand to the trimmers have to perform moves of which a contortionist would be proud to see the back of my head. And tidying the actual hairline round the ears and back of the neck has to be done with the guard off and a very steady hand.

Anyhow, as I say, I don't think it is too bad. One of my work colleagues walked past the desk and exclaimed:

"Bloody hell, what on earth happened to your hair!"

to which I explained that I had cut it myself and he asked if it was:

"the latest fashion inspired by those zany footballers."

I had to admit I had no idea what was in fashion amongst footballers at the moment. But he did at least confirm that both sides were level and neat (and presumably therefore equally as bad). One of my 'friends' described it as looking like

"a duck's arse"

before then going on to say that it was:

"Unique. And at least people won't forget you."

I don't know if it looking like a duck's arse is a good thing or a bad thing. Still, in the words of another of my colleagues:

"It's fun to experiement with your hair before it all falls out."

As if I needed reminding that that was probably well on the way to happening.

Now, I thought that I had timed the cut pretty well. I did it on a Wednesday night so that if it went wrong I could do my usual '8' or '6' buzz-off on the Thursday night, ready for my weekend of partying. Forgetting - of course - that I had my iDate planned for last Thursday. Not only would I not be able to sort out any problems before the weekend, I was now apparently going on a date with a haircut like a duck's arse.

Anyhow, my date was kind enough not to mention it, and I had thought that things were quietening down and growing out a little until yesterday when a colleague described it as:

"bizarre"

but then again most of the people I work with are old and wouldn't know fashion if it waggled its sexy arse in their face. A mild point of concern is that the people who do seem to like it have haircuts which I could only describe as

"bizarre"

As a matter of point, I no longer own the mini-hair-straighteners.