Plastic fantastic

So, I'm tired today. More tired today than usual.

Last night was a work meal. I seem to have quite a few of these. I had lunch bought for me on the company credit card last week, and I'm supposed to be going to a work "meal and bingo" night next week. Yeah, "unfortunately" I'm already booked for that one.

I regard these things very much as a double-edged sword:

On the one hand (or side of the blade) they are good 'networking' tools; getting me to know people more senior in the company, looking committed like a 'team-player', and they are a free meal which saves me cooking.

On the other however they mean spending an evening with people I would not normally want to spend an evening with; risk getting drunk and embarrassing myself or harming my careers prospects by offending someone; and they are an entire night out of my schedule where I neither get any jobs done nor relax properly.

Next week I have done my damnedest to get out of anyway. It is more about 'socialising' and getting to know people in my team or other teams. These are people that I either:

• a) already know enough (or too much) about already; or 
• b) that I don't need to know; or 
• c) that I don't want to know; or
• d) that I don't want to know anything about me.

In a large part they are underlings to whom I will still have to appear superior. That or they will be superior to me but trying too damned hard to be cool and 'one of the team'. And failing. Failing badly and looking as though they are just there to keep an eye out for anyone who may misbehave. And, amongst the more sensible of the proles (and I regard myself as amongst the more sensible) this puts us on edge, meaning we are even less aminable to socialising, all the more awkward and resistive to the primary function of the evening.

And all this just for a free meal which won't be very good anyway. Last time it was a choice between chicken or scampi, and one free drink. I did have a few more drinks just to relax slightly, whilst still being very-much on guard; but the best moment of the night is getting to the train station and cracking open a few cans of lager on the train to really let my hair down.

Last night, as I say, was different. Last night was a celebratory meal. We have been working very hard over the last few months on a new product which has finally gone live to great acclaim and relief. And - to even greater relief - all of the more senior people involved in the project were otherwise engaged and unable to attend the meal. This left everyone on practically the same level - whilst I am quite senior, because of the nature of the project everyone was at around my level within the company.

I don't know who allowed one of us mere mortals to have the company credit card, but to whomever it was I can confirm that the scallops were delightful, the venison melted in the mouth, and the copious amounts of wine enjoyed by all complimented the entire meal perfectly. Perhaps the only downside was that the liquers at the end of the meal were not quite chilled enough and there was only one really attractive member of waiting staff.

I am actually one of the more fresh-faced in at work today. And I have to say, as it was a nice, small team of around a dozen - rather than the 50 who should be attending next week (well, 49!) - we all got to talk to each other. Knowing there were no managers there, or members of my direct team, actually meant that I 'enjoyed' the evening. Well, I got as close as I was ever going to. There were lots and lots of bottles of wine consumed, however - aside from accidentally laughing at a racist joke because of an unrelated reason (I'm not racist, I was giggling at something else) - I didn't make any work faux-pas.

It could have gone terribly, terribly wrong of course, and at the start of the evening I was slightly trepidated. The managers - who were invited - might actually have turned up. This would not necessarily have been fatal to the mood of the evening, but might have acted as a squally shower dampens slightly an otherwise pleasant walk. Also, the office-fitty who I really fancy might have turned up, and turned me into a gibbering wreck who has half a sniff of wine and blathers and flirts embarrassingly. But that didn't happen. It would have been quite nice if the office-fitty had turned up, but on a risk-analysis basis it's probably best this way. And finally, the married girl at work who fancies me and flirts outrageously with me could have been overpoweringly flirtatious and I could have ended up naked in the back of the car. But we each resisted. When she dropped me at the train station we did exchange numbers, but purely because the train was running late and she wanted to make sure that if it didn't turn up I had some means to get home (she did say that if there was a problem I could stay at hers - presumably in the bunk-bed above her 5 year-old son).

And, of course, it was a free meal. Well, for me - I would hate to see the company credit card bill.