The accidental blow-job

"Oh gosh, is that my penis in your mouth?!"

Well, not quite that accidental.

Some time ago (I won't divulge how long ago for reasons of discretion...and I could get beaten up still if it is all too identifyable) I ended up staying out after work. I had been invited round to a friend's flat where a miniture party was occuring - my friend, and a romantically-involved couple. They were romantically involved with each other, not with my friend. That would just be weird. Anyhow, the premise of the occasion was that it was a Friday night, we were all a little bored with nothing much better to do; why not all be bored in the same room with copious amounts of wine?

Anyhow, it was all going very nicely, everyone was getting drunk and chatty and generally having a nice, relaxing, good-fun night. But then something happened with the couple.

Now, with the couple there is one half that I know very well and have done for a number of years ('the One Half'). The other half I knew before they got together, but not very well ('the Other Half'). The Other Half is notoriously moody. In fact it is a surprise they have ended up together at all. They really are so abrasive with each other, just trying to wind each other up. They are like chalk and a cheese-grater. How they have sustained themselves together for as long as they have (around a year) is anyone's guess. Presumably the sex must be fantastic.

Anyhow, a trip back in time as a slight interlude...

The Other Half spends quite a bit of time away because of work. Apparently he just expects the One Half to sit around doing very little. The One Half, naturally, becomes quite bored. We chat quite a bit and it ended up that I provided some entertainment. Purely innocent entertainment: a trip to the cinema on one occasion, and popping to the pub to do the pub quiz on another. In a spirit of openness the One Half disclosed this to the Other Half. I can understand why - if not, it would somehow slip out and seem all the more clandestine.

Unfortunately, the Other Half never quite took this entertaining on the innocent basis that it was intended. Well, that it was intended on my part. I do know that the One Half holds a bit of a torch for me. The flirting isn't implied or discrete, it is blatant. Unfortunately so it was on this particular occasion, which was slightly unfair on the Other Half. So the Other Half sat simmering - never having been entirely convinced by the innocent entertaining to then have the One Half so blatantly flirting right in front of his face; and then, the blue touch paper having simmered slowly, the firework exploded and the Other Half stormed off home.

Now, this is probably where the alarmbells should have started ringing. When one of the couple goes home but the other doesn't. The One Half stayed and carried on drinking with myself and the host. As the night wore on so I got sleepy and dozed off on one of the sofas. So too did the Other Half. Then the host went to his bed. Then I got up to go for a wee and went back to my sofa and dozed off. Then the Other Half got up and joined me on my sofa. Then the next thing I know my penis was being sucked.

Now, I could deny all responsibility. Afterall, I hadn't put it there in the first place, and I did very little about keeping it there. In fact, all I really am guilty of is laying back and letting it happen. Not saying no. And I know it was naughty, but whilst no-one else knows, no-one gets hurt.

And, at least it only happened the once. Well, recently. Pretty much the identical circumstances occurred a good few years ago as well.


You would think I would learn, wouldn't you?