Of fatties and fitties

So was yesterday a catharsis? It's ok, it's only a very brief post-script.

No.

I don't feel 'better'; I don't feel to have off-loaded a huge weight or anything like that. I actually feel a little annoyed for my rant, although somewhat reassured that I did the right thing getting out of the relationship. I feel annoyed that I managed to identify all these niggles. And they are my niggles - my problems. In reality they are quirks which other people could possibly find endearing. I'm sure there are many people out there that would just love to be physically smothered. What it does do is it goes to reinforce my major, core problem - that I can't let anyone close enough to form a proper relationship with them; to at least oversee any imperfections or - better still - to manage to convert them into individual quirky attractivenesses.

Anyway.

I feel fat today.

I shouldn't. And I'm not. But I didn't go to five-a-side football yesterday. Combine this with my already-identified perceived lack of football over the last week (well, compared to other people at least) and the fact that I didn't do my usual cycling and jogging yesterday, and I feel distinctly untested.

I'm a little annoyed with myself for not doing the cycling and jogging, I have to say. I knew at the beginning of the week I would not be doing five-a-side: I have a family meal on Thursday night, and the football club AGM on Wednesday night which - following on from the very late arrival back on Sunday night and unpacking from the holiday on Monday night - meant I needed Tuesday night for myself. But the cycling and jogging is not dependant upon going to five-a-side. Yes, five-a-side is dependant on cycling and jogging as otherwise I would simply not have enough time in the house to cook and eat before going to football. But that doesn't mean I can only cycle or jog if I'm going to football: I can cycle and jog regardless. And I planned to. I had my big bag all ready with a change of clothes and my cycling kit. But I woke up late. I do still need to get the early train to get showered and changed at work, and there simply wasn't time enough to get there for the early train.

And there was another reason to get the usual - as opposed to early train - a new train fitty. Who says good morning to me. With a smile. And who also wears odd socks (in a very similar style to ones which I also own). So I was eager to get my usual train and fix of fitty.

Anyhow, I didn't do five-a-side. But I'm actually not hugely annoyed by that. Football (whether five-a-side or 11-a-side) can often be very frustrating for me. I know that I am not the most amazing football player in the world; but there are people at football that simply will not pass to me. Five-a-side on Tuesday is supposed to be fun, to get people involved, and hopefully improve people's skills. Even 11-a-side on a Sunday is supposed to be about all of that too, with maybe slightly less emphasis on the 'fun' and more on the 'improvement' aspect. The only time when these ideologies get put aside is when we have competitive matches which we play to win; and then we play the strongest players (it's ok, I'm not ranting on that again!)

But there are players in my own team who simply will not pass to me. There are players who would rather take on two, three, even four of the opposition players rather than make an easy pass to me. And I don't even think it's always because they think I will fluff it. With some of them I think they will only see a 'benefit' to a pass if they are passing to someone of an equal or better standard - otherwise it is just isn't worth the energy of the kick.

Some of it does come down to me being seen as a weaker player. But there are two problems with this:
1) how do they know I am a weaker player if they will not pass to me?
2) how am I supposed to develop as a player if I don't get any game-play because they will not pass to me.
The later is the more particularly pertinent aspect in non-competitive play.

And what is all the more annoying is that I honestly do not believe that I am as weak a player as people think. Nor are they as good as they think. Usually if I fluff the kick it will be a kick that anyone else would have fluffed because of the pace on the ball or the spin on the ball or a bobble on the ground. That or I don't get to the ball purely on the basis of my speed - and my speed is better than average I have to say.

I do have a good technical idea of what I am supposed to be doing on the pitch, which is more than can be said for some of the other players. I have already said about them taking on three or four players when there was an easy pass to make (or, more usually, taking on one player and losing the ball immediately). However there are other problems. When I am marking an opposing player, I mark that player. Even in the limited play-time I had during the tournament there were many times when a companion player on my team was a million miles away from marking any player. And they certainly weren't trying to place themselves in a suitable position to receive a ball (which was with the opposition team anyway). Another player was regularly off-side. He kept saying he wasn't; or that he hadn't noticed their back line move; or that he was just jogging back on-side; but for those few minutes he was out of the team because no-one could play to him.

So I do know what I am supposed to be doing, and I am not as bad at doing it as people make out. Yet still I am an underused player. All of which means that I would rather prioritise a brief, fleeting moment with a train fitty; than a frustrating 90 minutes playing five-a-side. Anyhow, it is an issue I will be bringing up at the club AGM tonight (the game-play, not the train fitty, obviously).

By the end of the week I may have had some sleep and be less grumpy in these postings. Unfortunately the reason for my lack of sleep isn't for 'good' reasons - for which read 'naughty'.