Single again!

Yes, perhaps no surprise to some, I am back single again. So how?! Why?! Well, we'll start with the basics...

I let myself get caught being snogged by someone.

Notice that careful wording. I "let myself" get caught "being snogged" by someone. I was being snogged. I was not the active purpetrator. But let this not absolve me of responsibilty, I was a participator, and whilst I did start out resisting, I did join in and actively. And it was good.

But yes, I "let myself" get caught. I hadn't been happy for a while, and when the kiss came along I did resist, but then I thought "It achieves the end I need to get to" and in a rather enjoyable way, lets face it.

And it did achieve the desired end, albeit by most disgraceful methods. It's never nice having to end a relationship, but I could at least have been man enough about it and have a conversation about it. Or maybe not: maybe in the long run the intense and devastating pain which I inflicted may have cut the relationship cord quicker and cleaner, rather than doing it all nicely and leaving the hope that the string wasn't snapping or could be tied back together.

[string analogy ends]

In fairness I had tried to have "the Conversation" on a couple of occasions but for a number of reasons the timing wasn't right and I was forced to be a good boyfriend and buffer for whatever personal crisis was going off week after week.

Obviously we did have "the Conversation", just somewhat more heated with more words with fewer letters. And I did get to explain my problem.

How do you say "it's not you, it's me" without actually saying it? And how many times do you have to say it?

It's not that I get bored in a relationship, I get annoyed. I have a busy life and i'm expected to take time out of MY life to have a relationship? I am expected to commit at least one or two of my precious nights a week to it. And who expects this, who imposes this obligation? Me. I put it on myself because if I didn't commit my time to it, I would feel bad, guilty about neglecting the relationship.

So it really is me and not you.

Of course, the more I annoy and frustrate myself with this obligation, the more I displace that frustration onto character traits and idiosynchronies of the other, and theaspects which I used to enjoy, the constant chatter, the inappropriate touching,, all those little things really start to irritate me. And I make it worse by being non-confrontational about it all, not saying anything so as to not rock the boat when in fact it keeps simmering until it lights the blue touch-paper and blows up in ny face like an accumulation of mixed-metaphors

So I became single again. And I'm back on here again too. I now have an app, so I can blog on the move, rather than being forced (by myself) to take timr out of my precious home-life in order to blog. Let's see how long it lasts this time. If I can keep it up for longer than three months then you are beating my average relationship.