The Potential-Job Interview

Did you notice that at some stage my font changed in the body-text? No? Thought not.

Anyway, here I am, sat on a train crapping myself. Not literally, obviously, I would never use a train toilet just as I would never use a public toilet. I rarely use any toilet other than my own for a poo, though obviously if you are family or a close friend I have no problem with saving myself the water of a toilet flush.

But anyway, yes: I'm a tad nervous. I'm on my way to a job interview. Eeek. I tried that just as 'eek' but it didn't seem to convey the full 'eeekiness' of the situation.

I wouldn't normally report about a job interview until I know how it has gone. I find it rather galling and embarrassing to tell everyone about it only to fail. But since then it has built into a sort-of superstition with me, which is odd.

As a general rule I am not superstitious. Life is what you make it. There are things which will happen over which we have no control which we just have to live with: no amout of salt over shoulders or avoiding ladders is going to have any effect. Well, except the psychosomatic result of making the superstitious person so nervous about having walked under a ladder that they walk in front of a bus. And a moving one at that.

No, I don' believe in superstitions any more than I believe in gods. Gods are for people who can't accept everything. They need someone to blame; they like to think that someone else has control over things and a bigger reason why the person should fail. They like to wash their hands, declare it 's not their fault, there is someone else - not necessarily to blame, but who has an overaching ultimum which means that this must happen. This is weak, ignorant, flippant and blasé.

But I'll deal with religion another time.

I have fallen somehow into superstitious ways with interviews ever-so-slightly. It's not as though I have full superstitions or routines such as lucky pants or a lucky tie or bag. Well, not unless wearing the smarted, most suitable outfit I have is a superstition. Nor do I have to do anything in a particular order, eat my breakfast before donning my socks or any such nonsense. Well, again, unless being organised to ensure that I leave the house on time or early, properly dressed with all the accoutrements and portfolia I need is superstitious.

But the idea of not telling anyone goes beyond simple logic. There is logic and presumably that is how it started out, but I know at the back of my mind I regard this as a superstition. The logic is many-fold, from not wanting people at work to know so as not to make work even more awkward than it needs to be, not not getting the family (well, mother) excited into pestering me the moment I step out of the interview, all the way back to the embarrassment if I don't do very well or get the job. Let's face it, it's not as though the family and friends don't know I'm looking and applying for jobs, so an interview would hardly be a surprise.

No, it has gone further than that. I know that I am not saying  anything so as not to jinx it. I seem to believe if I tell anyone I am doomed to failure before I even walk in the room. Which is, of course, a nonsense. I have had job interviews where I have told people and been successful: my first professional job I had to tell my parents as it was the reason I was coming down to stay for the weekend. I even told my work colleagues as there was no secret that I was looking for something permanent.

When I came for my current job I didn't tell anyone. When I went for the job prior to that I didn't tell anyone. And when I went for the paralegal job in Newcastle I didn't tell anyone. But it is not a proven record. As I say, I told people about the job in the middle. And there have been other jobs where I have been for interviews, where I have not told people about those interviews, and where I have not been successful. There really is no reason behind it. But mentally, for me, it is a jinx.

Or at least it was a jinx. Let's see how it goes with what we solicitors call Limited Disclosure. Let's see if I break the superstition and get the job. Just assuming of course I am not so distracted so as to walk in front of that moving bus...