Stock photos

We all have them, don’t we – the friends who always pull the same face. You know the types – I’ve got many of them in my feeds.

There’s the chap who always pulls the wonky, slightly quizzical look that scrunches the nose up on one side as if he’s asking “do you know what I mean?”

There’s the one whose eyebrows are raised with eyes almost popping out, mouth open in a slightly-astonished smile, as though someone’s just stuck their finger up his bum for the first time but he’s actually quite enjoying it.

There’s the one who’s always got a slight scowl on his face and you can tell he’s going to be one of those pissy little queens who is always complaining about everything but particularly his lot in life and how it’s so unfair and why do bad things always happen to him (he’ll be one of those vigilantes who is outraged at everything).

Obviously there is the one who always pouts, the other who is so desperately quirky they always stick their tongue out of the corner of their mouth.

And then there’s the one who is very pretty and has a lovely but very plain and very repetitive smile – one that makes him seem dead behind the eyes. Always the same, head ever-so-slightly cocked to one side.

And that is part of the problem – I become immune. Because the expression is always the same it comes across as staged, painted. I wonder if they walk round like that all the time just in case they happen to be in the background of a photo.

Now, let me accept first that I’m no oil painting. I struggle with photos because I don’t like my face. My teeth are horrible for a start. I was born with too small a mouth (no jokes please) and they are all a bit squashed in, so I don’t like opening my mouth to smile in photos. This automatically makes my smile less genuine, and it’s difficult to imbue “smile” in the eyes without opening the mouth. Then there is my receding hairline and that my ears disappear, the fact that my beard/stubble is never at an optimum length and I can never get clothes to fit me because of my ridiculous proportions.

I’m very self-deprecating. Other people like the way I look; and yes I hear those saying those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. But I’m not throwing stones at the way they look, I’m throwing it at the pose.

I also have to realise that – just as with myself – a LOT of people do not have body/image confidence. They don’t like having their photo taken at all, so I suppose I should at least give credit that they have at least managed to find their ‘photo face’ that they are happy. However this paragraph doesn’t really apply to the people I’m talking about with the pose. After all, the reason that I have noticed this as a problem is due to the propensity of photos – usually selfies – that they have posted.

I just want a bit of variety. I think what I really want is them to post fewer posed photos and more spontaneous ones – more of them actually enjoying what they are doing rather than stopping to post of photo of them only appearing to enjoy what they are doing.

But then this is coming from the man with a picture camera – always the taker, never the subject.