Swimming etiquette

So, we all know the 'rules' - no bombing, no running, no heavy petting (whatever that was; and who decided the difference between 'light' petting and 'heavy'?)

But anyway, having gone swimming last night, I have come up with a number of points of etiquette. They aren't strict rules, they just help everything go smoothly. There may be more to add in due course.

Be conscientious when joining a lane. Unless you are most definitely the fastest person in the lane (and not simply the most arrogant) don't start immediately in front of someone. Generally the best time to join the lane is in the middle of the biggest gap of swimmers. which brings me on to...

Always give precedence to people who are swimming. Don't assume that they are going to stop for a break at the end of a length - they have the right to carry on over and above any interruption. If they are in the 'red' section of the lane markers, let them come and go before even thinking about starting out.

Public swimming pools have to cope with a wide range of abilities. Even in pools where they distinguish between 'slow', 'medium and 'fast' lanes, there are still a range of speeds in those lanes, and the lane will naturally proceed at the pace of the slowest. Don't be angry about this. Remember - the slowest person in your lane may only be there because the next slowest lane is too full. And there's probably some speedy pillock who is annoyed at your slow breast-stroke.

There are four ways to deal with slower people in your lane (in decreasing order of preference)

1. take a break until there is a big enough gap that you will not quite catch up
2. swim at the same speed
3. build your own swimming pool
4. overtake

Which brings me on to...

Don't overtake unless it is safe. As the overtaker it is your responsibility to ensure that you have enough time and space to do it; do not rely on the other person 'letting you past'. Generally the best opportunity to overtake is at the ends of the pool assuming no-one is coming the other way. Swimming with three in a lane should mean overtaking is perfectly possible; though it should mean it is unnecessary. Conversely swimming with four to a lane will render it practically impossible to get a decent sized gap in which to overtake.

Don't clutter up the lane ends so that people can't turn and push off.

Keep to the sides of the lane. Usually one lane will need to have two directions - up-pool and then return. It isn't cool or funny to swim in the middle, or to kick people.

If you bump into each other, you both apologise. It's polite. It is probably both of your's faults anyway.

The name of the session will be a general indicator as to what you can expect. Anything with the word 'fun' or 'family' will not be for a serious swimmer. Apparently the term 'general swim' doesn't necessarily involve swimming, but a lot of people wading around in the shallow end having a general gossip. Quite why they want to spend £3.50 doing so is still a mystery to me; however with 'lane swimming' you know where you are.

If you want to swim when it is quieter, go first thing in the morning. Do not be surprised when it is busy as hell:

1. immediately after work
2. during school holidays (parents need a break from the kids)
3. immediately after some big sporting event, such as the Olympics
4. for the three or four weeks after New Year when everyone is in the get fit fad.

Don't treat swimming as having a bath. Personal hygiene is still necessary despite the fact you are submerged.

Generally don't be a pillock.